Cutting Ties With Family: What It Really Means for Your Identity and Peace

Family is often considered the cornerstone of our social structure, providing individuals with a sense of belonging, support, and love. Yet for many people—young and old—family is not associated with positive emotions. Maintaining a relationship with a toxic parent, sibling, or relative can cause severe and lasting effects on your mental and physical health. In such cases, cutting ties with family becomes a necessary step—but that does not make it any easier.

In our guide, we will review some of the reasons to cut off a family member, explore the benefits of this decision, and offer you a path forward to properly manage this challenge. While estranging yourself from a family may feel like an insurmountable obstacle at first, in the long run, this may be the best thing you could do for your well-being and happiness.

Reasons to Cut Ties With Family

While every person will have their own unique motivations to stop communicating with their family members, here are a few common reasons to cut ties with family:

• Your parent is abusive. Whether the abuse is physical, psychological, or emotional, you should stay away from the abuser, even if it is your mother or father. Pay attention to the behavior of your parent—for instance, constant criticism and lack of affection are the signs of emotional abuse.
• Your values do not align. It is one thing to have a healthy debate with a sibling who disagrees with your political views, but if you feel like your personal beliefs are mocked and you are not accepted for who you are (your religion, your gender identity, or your sexual orientation), it may be a good idea to cut ties.

Your family is negatively affecting your mental health. Have you noticed you feel anxious before visiting your family home? Is your productivity suffering due to the mean remarks of your relatives? Sometimes, to take care of your mental health, you need to remove the people who harm it from your life.

Benefits of Cutting Off Family Members

It may feel counterintuitive to cut off family members who mistreat you, but in the long run, this decision may prove to be beneficial for you:

• Protect your mental health. There are numerous psychological benefits of estranging yourself from the family that does not support you—reduce your stress, lower your anxiety levels, and feel more relaxed and free to be yourself when the people who hurt you are no longer in your life.
• Build your self-esteem. If your family members have been putting you down, manipulating you, and blaming you for various things that went wrong in their lives, you may start believing you are worthless. Remember that it is not true—surround yourself with people who uplift you instead.
• Focus on your personal growth. When you are no longer burdened by the toxic influence of your family, you will have a chance to concentrate on your own development. Move to a new location, travel the world, and pick up new hobbies and skills—the sky is the limit!

How to Cut Ties With Your Family

There is no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to cutting ties with family members; however, you may follow these suggestions to simplify the process:

• Communicate your decision. If it is safe to do so, talk to your family and let them know you will be cutting ties with them. You may sit down with them in person, send them a letter, or give them a call—explain your reasons and avoid accusatory language to prevent an argument.
• Avoid contact in the future. Once you have said your piece, make sure your family does not have a way to reach out to you—block their phone numbers, emails, and social media. In case they show up at your doorstep, do not engage with them and call the authorities if you feel threatened.
• Reach out to a therapist. You do not have to go through this challenge on your own—a mental health professional will validate your decision to cut ties with the family, listen to your concerns, and equip you with the tools you need to handle this obstacle.

Coping With Cutting Family Members Out of Your Life

Even if you are certain you have made the right choice, it may be difficult to deal with the repercussions of cutting family members out of your life:

• Rely on your friends. Just because your family was not there for you does not mean you are alone—your friends may offer you a place to stay, lend you a sympathetic ear, and be there for you when you struggle with this major change.
• Give yourself time. You may feel sad and even guilty after you cut ties with your family—this is normal, especially if you were close to your parents and siblings despite their harmful behavior. Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions and come to terms with your decision.
• Focus on the positives. Now that the negative influence is gone, think of the benefits of this move—you no longer have to adhere to the demands of your family if you do not agree with them, build a support network that lifts you, and do things that make you happy.

Therapy After Family Estrangement

Therapy can be incredibly helpful both before and after you cut ties with your family. A therapist will be able to recognize the toxic behavior of your family members and give you personalized advice to deal with this issue.

Once you have estranged yourself from the family, it is recommended to book a few sessions with a mental health professional. A therapist will help you cope with the stress associated with this major change in your life—they will suggest effective strategies to look after your mental health and move forward.

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